Does anyone ever plan on becoming a “plant enthusiast” before welcoming their first green roommates into their home? It turns out, I’m now the proud caregiver of 14 plants in my cozy downtown apartment, and I’m afraid there may be many future additions…

In case you come to visit us, I’ve made it SUPER DUPER simple by naming ALL of my plants “Groot.”

While I realize the Enneagram doesn’t exactly work like this, I’ve attempted to capture the Enneagram energy each of my botanical buddies reflects. So here’s my “EnneaPlants” edition:

Type One – Snake Plant/Mother-in-Law’s Tongue: Give me the essentials, and I’ll strive to grow tall and straight, just don’t try to control me.

Type Two – Orchid: Nurture me lovingly, and I’ll reward you with exquisite blooms.

Type Three – Pink Flamingo Plant/Pink Anthurium: I might not be what you expect, more AND less like an Orchid than anything else, but shower me with the attention I crave, and I’ll keep producing beauty for as long as you desire.

Type Four – Peace Lily: I require a lot of attention, especially of a different kind than these other plants; otherwise, I’ll show my displeasure by dropping leaves.

Type Five – Dwarf Umbrella Tree: Protecting myself from excess is the game plan, so please don’t overwhelm me, and I’ll quietly build out my canopy for protection.

Type Six – Inch Plant: Even if I only start with a few leaves, that’s never going to be enough to make me feel secure; I’ll basically take over my surroundings to convince myself that I’ll be alright.

Type Seven – Lucky Bamboo: Whether you water me or not, I’ll promise you endless adventures and dreams you’ve yet to imagine.

Type Eight – Jade Tree: Try to deprive me of water, and you’ll witness just how robust I can become, I dare you.

Type Nine – Calla Lily: Although I might not seem like I need much attention, I’m a bit of a stubborn diva; give me the right amount of water and light, and I’ll stay calm, but just try not to forget about me.